Frosty the Snowman
by hippiechick2112
Summary: Klinger, out of the stockade, has already another escape plan ready. With snow and on the ground and a winter sculpture contest underway, it's easy for him to figure out how to get back to Toledo. Part twelve of "The Klinger Chronicles".


**Frosty the Snowman**

**Note and Disclaimer: Have to say this every time, but I don't own the storylines, plots and characters of M*A*S*H. I think that's enough said, especially if you've read the summaries lately and know what I've been up to with Klinger.**

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So, it's been snowing a lot up here lately in the middle of nowhere, Korea. And while the bleak Christmas season is over and the new nurses have already worn off their civilian scent (even my big nose was catching something akin to baby powder and lavender), I still have some schemes up my sleeve. And this ain't funny business, either!

No, even as I stand here and carve out what appears to be a snowman (with the proper parts and everything), I remember my big promise to our Chief of Chiefs, Colonel Potter, as I begged for mercy in the stockade. And then I recall a single tune from what seemed like long ago, played over and over again at the first Christmas we've been in this stupid hellhole called the 4077th M*A*S*H. It brings up so many memories of holidays passed, but it also gives me an idea to get out of here, which comes as no surprise to anyone.

You see, I know that the Army occasionally will plow the snow here, if it gets too bad and we can't shovel and afford to break some backs or something. And it sometimes does get that way, like right now. But, sometimes the enlisted guys will save the snowmen and other unique snow statues and carefully cart them away, for some contest between the units or something, and award some mock prizes for the best winter structure for the season. Been this way since the beginning of the war, but who's to say that they're nuttier than I am? I think _they're_ nuts, trying to save whatever has touched these soiled grounds!

Well, anyway, I've been thinking about being Frosty the Snowman, the snow creature that would magically come to life when children are putting a hat on my head and then leave when the sun became too much to bear. I would somehow get myself wrapped up in snow and ice, just like a snowman, get to that contest, and when nobody's lookin', I would jump out and leave. It'll sure be a success this time!

_Yeah…that's sounds good!_

Even if I hate the cold, I could bear it, like the snowman, and could claim to only bear the Korean sun for so long that –

_SPLAT!_

Captains Hunnicutt and Pierce and Major Houlihan stand at a distance away, throwing snow at me as I built a creature of my own. I narrowly missing breaking my neck, but what interests me more than my life is how they're holding up in this stinkin' weather. Although the Captains seems to be enjoying themselves (as always), the Major herself seems to be on the fringe of joy, somewhat similar to be childlike. She even started shoving larger and larger snowballs at me, Klinger the Genius, as I try to execute my latest escape plan.

"Hey, Major, cut it out!" I yelled out innocently enough. "Can't you leave a guy alone when he's trying to build a snowman?!"

"Hey, Klinger, get a load off and forget about escaping!" Major Houlihan called out as she danced in circles, although she sounded pretty happy as she did both. "It's _snowing_!"

Then, I saw disaster before it hit the fan. Captain Pierce looked at Captain Hunnicutt funny. Then, before I could blink my eyes a few times (and trust me, I blink a lot), the two of them picked up a huge (and I do mean HUGE) amount of snow in their arms and, as Major Houlihan turned her back to dance once more, dumped all of it down her coat.

I swear, I have _never_ seen a woman turn from pure bliss to pure venom before.

As the Captains turned away quickly and ran for their lives, Major Houlihan scampered right behind them, screaming. "You two will pay for this! I'll have your heads!"

I shook my head, nodding knowingly as I recalled all the times Major Houlihan did that to me…and then to Captain Pierce (and sometimes Captain McIntyre, when he was here), for all the times he was nasty to her. But, hey, I'm only an enlisted man, eager to get out of Korea. He's only a goofy officer, out to get her.

_I think._

Ah, well. The best I could do right now is turn back to my latest masterpiece and hope for the best. I mean, the worst that can happen is that the 4077th wins first place at the contest, right? I don't think they've had snow figures come to life just yet!

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**The song "Frosty the Snowman" was originally written as a holiday song by Walter "Jack" Rollins and Steve Nelson. It was initially recorded by Gene Autry and the Cass County Boys in 1950 (who also have a version out of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer") and rerecorded by Perry Coso in 1957, Jan and Dean in 1963, Johnny Mathis in 2003 and Kimberley Locke in 2007. Later, it became a Little Golden Book (1950), a three-minute short film (1954) and the famous TV special (1969) with sequels galore.**


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